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January Column ; 10 Signs Of An Uncompatible Partner

Posted by Shantae Sexy on February 4, 2013 at 9:20 PM Comments comments (5)

Ever look at a couple and say how nice they look together? Sometimes the look and aura of their presence alone is so certain of a compatible relationship. In many, instances it is true.

However, there are just as many who force themselves into relationships in hopes of longevity, only to realize they are totally uncompatible.

Having a healthy relationship with a compatible partner can help your life in many ways. So don't spend another second with someone wasting away times that can be monumental with your most compatible partner.

If you want to see where you stand you can take this fun quiz, just to venture into your thoughts about your current or potential relationship.

10 Signs Of An Uncompatible Partner

  1. Frequent disagreements - that lead to high volume arguments, infidelity or distress
  2. Constant feelings of insecurities and lack of trust- which can lead to frequent disagreements
  3. Cheating or tolerating your mate's desire to have intimate relations with another or other people
  4. Lack of a healthy communication- which leads to misunderstandings or total inability to communicate
  5. Unwillingness to progress in the relationship
  6. A secretive relationship or non-existant one
  7. One of you only want one thing - money,sex,status,etc
  8. Lack of understanding and general concern
  9. Back and forth relationship
  10. Lack of interests

Frequent disagreements occur when other contributing factors are present and have not been resolved. It could lead to high volume arguments, infidelity or distress, which can make for an uncomfortable relationship. When you feel that you disagree you have to find a respectable way to address the topic. If you cannot come to a resolve then it may not be the best relationship to continue with.

Feelings can become pressured , both negative and positive. Feelings that are insecure or that lack trust are to be considered. If you have these feelings you need to understand that it is normal to experience a variety of feelings when under pressure. It is no excuse to ignore or tolerate what causes these feelings.

Someone may totally enjoy the opportunity that comes with a pressure-filled relationship. For someone that means a free pass to cheat or pursue other types of minimal relations. Sometimes it is intentional while in other instances it may happen because someone is allowing themselves to be weak in temptation.

Communication is important in all factors of life especially in regards to your personal relationship. Talking is not the only way to do so, your actions, your expressions and nowadays internet and technological devices help in the cause to communicate. Without taking time to communicate your relationship will have trouble being a healthy one. Sometimes communicating with the wrong person or people while in a relationship can cause distress on your would-be healthy relationship. Lack of communication is a sure sign of uncompatibility and leaves too many doors open for a relationship to fail completely.

A relationship that's healthy progresses. You know first comes love , then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage... Then again it doesn't have to be exactly like so but still in all progression is key. Who wants to be a girlfriend or boyfriend for 2 years or more and no talks of living together or having a family together? The purpose of a relationship is to become closer and more solid in that relationship. Even if the progress is slow and gradual it shows that there is a general interest of becoming a more solidified relationship.

But what about the relationship that doesn't exist... you know the call for a sex fling or friends with benefit type, where there is no connection for a future together? The relationship where Somebody thinks they're in love and no one ever confirmed that it was a real relationship. If you are not part of your so called partners ups and downs, ins and outs and are only around for temporary purposes you need to cut those loose strings. You can try to believe that it makes you happy but lonliness is written all over that lifestyle.

Now some get confused because you get a partner that calls you for sex and/or money and loves having you around to show off and for other seemingly purposeful reasons, but at the top of the day and end of their night are you the one in their life? Most likely not, you're a sidedish whether a male or female and are not even a beneficial factor in your partners life. It's called usery and though it might make you feel like it could boost your chance... you are so fooling yourself. Noone who is totally interested would take advantage of someone they care for and want a future with.

And what about you? How do you do today? How is everything? Do you need anything , is there anything I can do? If you don't have a special one in your life caring about your well-being then you can't be for each other. It's unnatural to not be able to show caring feelings when you actually care. Though some people are horrible actors/actresses when it comes to taking advantage of people, a real sincere one would be sincere in every way. Your well-being ought to be as important as their own, so if they don't exhibit true concern you need to certainly give that person the boot. The same goes for you if you don't care about how your partner feels or is doing you aren't quite cut out for that person. Not to be mixed up with a person going through something where they just can't get themself to show they care at the moment, you have to understand that sometimes losses (family, job,home,car,etc.) can lead to depression and feelings that most would rather guard. You have to be compatible with your partner to know how to even deal with it.

One of the most unhealthy things to do in a relationship is to go back and forth. Break up go do your thing then get back and keep it going. It is unhealthy mentally, physically and morally as well. Now if you are breaking up because you have issues that you need to resolve then it makes sense that communication is in order and would help greatly. However, if you just want to have the benefit of more than one relationship then you need to be single and get it together. It is not normal to string a person along, that is abuse and can lead to other complications in your life.

Lastly, just as important as feeling, communication, trust and a general wanting of progression will help the relationship prove to be compaitble, so will having interest in your partners interests. It's nothing wrong with not liking sports or soap operas if your partner does, but if it really bothers you then you may not be made for one another. A healthy relationship requires support and dedication to what you and your partner enjoy the most. Would you want to cut out an important part of your life because someone you like doesn't like it. Not really, so not saying fake or force yourself, like many do. That's not a sacrifice, that's suffering. Sacrificing is saying okay I will watch a sportsgame with you, if you'll watch a soap opera with me. It is saying okay I am okay with not going here with my friends to go be present at your event. You shouldn't ever budge to do what you really aren't comfortable doing. That includes hobbies, interests and sexual pleasures as well.

Next month we'll reverse and talk about 10 Signs Of A Compatible Partner, which I'm sure you'll love too!

We will be talking about Pimps, Players and all kinds of much needed to be talked about topics that stem from todays reading.

God Bless!

Shantae S. Esannason

Suggested Readings

If you like this column, check out :

February Column -10 Signs of a Compatible Partner

Posted by Shantae Sexy on February 1, 2013 at 7:50 PM Comments comments (0)

These columns are always so much fun and excitement for me. I have the opportunity to share good insight and inspiration to others. Relationships is actually one of the trickiest topic to cover because its success really is based on the two individuals involved. Do they want total contentment with one another or is that something they cannot see with one another?

In most cases, those who prefer a great relationship have healthy mindset about what they want, need and how to get what they want. Now last month we covered uncompatibitly. How come I started off with that...mainly because I wanted to help others weed out the bad vibes first. Clear your mind of negativity to embrace the goodness.

So. There you have it hopefully you've read the column, January Column ; 10 Signs Of An Uncompatible Partner, and even taken the quiz, The January Column Quiz . If not you can always come back at  a more convenient time.

This month it's time to focus on compatibilty. When someone is compatible it has a lot to do with having not so much things in common but a common tolerance for one another. It has a lot to do with being able to get along in all if not most circumstances. That could include finances, health, familial issues, work-related issues, social issues and any other type of unforeseen occurence that requires understanding and unconditional love. It is part of human nature that some care or show some form of concern.

Many people say they have unconditional love for their mate/partner and mean it with all sincerity. Some say it's unconditional under certain conditions, if you get my drift.:roll:

So let's get into it and though I am only listing ten, I'm certain that you may have others that you see as signs of compatibility. Some people refer to astrological compatibility... I am guilty of having looked into it to see if it's true... Well nope, I have found certain instances to match up as far as characteristics of a person but conversation alone led me astray. Far, far away.

This isn't about me of course, this is about everyone who needs a good compatible partner in their life, Who  doesn't want to be strung along or mislead into the wrong relationship when they're ready to give their all. Some people will not ever feel that way , perhaps because they've been hurt already and some just don't see themself to be valuable enough to have a good and healthy relationship.

Take a moment to clear your thoughts as best as you can of any negativity that would hinder your initiative to have a great and compatible partner in your life.

Let'z Be Real: Keeping these thoughts in mind.. Your compatible partner cannot be involved with someone else nor should your intent be to distract someone from taking their time to find the right compatible partner for them.

1) Mutual Attraction- This can by all means include physical, mental, general attraction and liking for one another.  Both persons should feel comfortable in any situation dressed up or down. Feeling good or not so good. The wanting to be with one another, it's all a sign. Not to be confused with infatuation where it is predominately a physical attraction,a forced beckon for attention; when you see, you lust and want no matter what the situation. Keep in mind we are talking healthy decisions that work out not only initially but in the long run as well.

2) Concern - Someone who is highly compatible is one who is concerned of your well-being. He/She doesn't want you to be without nor would they want to see you down and out. Their goal is to be there for you as best as possible. The feeling of concern doesn't have to be mushy and babying. It can be expressed in many other ways.

3) Plans For Future - The reason this is listed in the top 3 is because it is a sure sign of compatibility when your partner and you both plan to be in each others future endeavors. That includes dates with one another, handling home chores (cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.) and even down time together. Making your mate part of your plans and being included in your mates plans shows that there is a solid determination to be together day in and day out. When you're compatible you don't ever feel they are crowding your space or overwhelming you with their presence. Okay maybe when it's time to sleep and you're used to stretching out all over the bed, but even in such a situation compatible partners can work it out and be understanding of such a small issue. Let's be real you know you'd rather your mate be next to you even if you are adjusting to it all.

4) Love To Have Around - As just mentioned there is no such thing as being bombarded by your mate, you love their presence and they love yours. Sometimes you may need to adapt to sharing your space, belongings, and even your time, still when you're with the right one you have no problem with them being around.

5) Create Great Memories - Now this may sound like a Hallmark moment but honestly, when you are with someone just right for you, every moment is a great memory. Being there for one another, sharing the ups and downs and even the wins and losses. It is what great relationships endure and when you have someone you care for sharing it with you it isn't so bad afterall. Taking photos together, going to public places together and just sharing the everyday, normal experiences in life are always worth talking about at the end of the day. Sometimes it is just a great way to bond even further.

6) Open & Honest Conversation - Many relationships come to a complete halt due to lack of convo but that just goes to prove that those who are greatly compatible can talk about anything together and enjoy it. Now there are some people in the world who love to talk , they can talk to anyone by nature. Just as there are people who may love to talk but only selectively; to those they are most comfortable with. Be careful not to confuse yourself with a great conversationalist and think it's compatibility. I'm talking about if you ever wanted to share personal talk you know in your heart you could and it would be honored. I'm talking the comfort that comes with being able to look each other in the eyes and talk, laugh and if it comes to it cry. Open and honest communication helps to keep the accusations and snooping out of relationship. Think about it. If you knew you and your mate was just honest and true you'd be more confident in how well the relationship will continue to be.

7) No Holds Barred - Stemming from the honesty in talk  even the honesty in action proves for a compatible mate. Your partner is going to be everything they say they are to and you should do the same. If you are going to set out to be together let that be what it is. Keep in mind that people can only ruin what you have if you allow them to. Understand that a relationship that is compatible cannot be easily taken apart. A lot of the prior stipulations create a firm foundation and when that mutual levelheadedness exists people can only love to see it that way. When the compatibility is high it isn't hard to be together.

8 )  Undying Support - You have goals, and so does your partner. Compatible partners love to love but they love to be the top supporter . Being in your mates corner and showing them that they have your full support is how it becomes such a stronghold. Sharing ideals and exploring new horizons together is how the best relationships are.

9 ) Yearning for Togetherness - Now this is the real deal.. When you are where you are and your mate is where he/she is and you long for one another. It could be intimately or in general just wanting to hear their voice, see them or just be with them because that is how you feel. A compatible relationship is full of that yearning to be together yet the acceptance of time that must be spent apart. Such as work, school, hobbies because in some cases you cannot be with your mate and it may be unhealthy to the relationship if you have insecurities. As longas they are adressed and cleared up there should be no problems. So that is how come it's important to be with someone you're compatible with because that one isn't out to hurt you in any way. They won't allow anyone to dishonour what you both have worked so hard to have.

10) Acceptance - You know you're compatible when you both acknowledge that you've got much in common and can tolerate each other in most circumstances. It is how you both begin to realize that what you have is unique and rare. You're happy when you see each other and you're happy anticipating the next time you'll see each other. Both you and your partner who is oh so compatible enjoy knowing that you both are made to be together.

Now don't let me pop your bubble. Let me just help those who are twisting up their faces and making light of this that if you believe you're going to have a good one in your life you will. Most people hear things like this in movies, shows or fairytales, but the truth is if you really want to be with the one you feel compatible with you both can be happy together.

My only advice is to know in your heart that if its what you want and the feelings are mutual that you have to accept that you've found your compatible partner.

In closing, do not give up on love if that is what you feel you deserve. Always do right in your relationship and expect that of your partner. Remember if  you take your time you can find the right one for you. Temptation is an emotion that you do not have to accept in your life, especially if it will hurt you or someone else along the way.



I must admit that unfortunately there are people who like to pretend to be a compatible partner just to get ahead in life. Simply to get by and survive so you have to be mindful of the uncompatible signs if you happen to ever notice them. Do not allow yourself to be blinded by wanting a compatible partner so much that you end up sticking around for a complete let-down. It happens to even the best of us...

Congratulations to anyone who has been blessed with the right person in their life. May you continue to have happiness and set example of proof that true compatibility does exist.

Be sure to check out next month's column we'll be talking about... hair? Okay I'll be giving a candid approach to what YOUR hair says about you!

Suggested Reading

If you like this column, check out:

5 Signs He Is the Right One For You featured on

20 Small Things Husbands Should Do to Show Their Love by Andrew Kardon

The January Column Quiz

Posted by Shantae Sexy on January 27, 2013 at 2:40 AM Comments comments (0)

The January Column Quiz

Are you seeking a real and serious relationship? Or are you into the single and mingling lifestyle?

Take this quiz to see how well you know your true intentions.


First you must take this with an honest and open mind. Focus on what you ultimately want for yourself and your future. You are required to check one answer per statement/question group, which identifies with you the most. Take your time and when you're finished, add up your score. There will be a scoring explanation provided. You'll need to return to this site.


The January Column Quiz


If you have not taken the quiz, you need to click the link above first.

After taking the quiz you'll need to add your score.

If you have taken the quiz, I hope you kept score follow the rules below and then read your Quiz Summary according to your total.

From top to bottom per group your score is as follows.

The top answer is ten points.

The bottom answer is one point.

All of the answers in between are scored in descending order.

Click here for Quiz Summary

Shantae Sexy's Hard Rock Lyfe

Posted by Shantae Sexy on January 26, 2013 at 8:25 PM Comments comments (0)




" I want to take a moment to send my appreciation for visiting my site. As each day comes, it is great to acknowledge every contributing factor that makes this all possible. Thank You & God Bless"  ~ Shantae Sexy

Shantae Sexy's Hard Rock Lyfe

Shantae Sexy takes part in an amazing program, Hard Rock Rising 2013 via ReverbNation & facebook, and needs her true fans to VOTE!


From January 28, 2013 -February 11, 2013


Simply follow the rules provided below.


LIKE Hard Rock Cafe Philadelphia's facebook Page, download Shantae Sexy's song, So Right.

Your download counts as 1 vote so you can only vote once , of course.

Your votes will make it possible  for Shantae Sexy fans in Philadelphia see a LIVE performance at Hard Rock Cafe.



Starting January 28th VOTE!


1) LIKE Hard Rock Cafe's fb page :


2) Download So Right by Shantae Sexy, ya girl directly from Hard Rock Cafe's Philadelphia fb page

3) That's it! You've voted (1 vote per person)





Sexy Ads connect with 7038 Fans!

Posted by Shantae Sexy on January 25, 2013 at 2:25 AM Comments comments (0)

"I just wanted to personally give gratitude to the following sites for featuring my ReverbAds most recently. Thank you ReverbNation for your support!  Thanks to the 10 of my current fans that clicked the ads as well. Much gratitude to all...  " ~ Shantae S. Esannason (Shantae Sexy)


Welcome BlogLoverz

Posted by Shantae Sexy on January 21, 2013 at 11:50 PM Comments comments (0)

Welcome all to my blogosphere.

If you haven't already checked out my Internet Radio Blog Show , Let's Talk With Shantae feel free to any day , at any time.

Well for starters, I want to give you a bit of history before I post my first site Column. Writing has always been one of my talents and skills. Poems,songs, literature, research projects, advice columns and more. I have enjoyed writing as a passtime, hobby and continue to sharpen my skills and talents by continuing to write on and off the scene.

In my youth I would read through my mother's poetry and became inspired to write as well. I learned also in school about a rarely spoken of Poetess who is actually known as the first African Slave Poet, Phyllis Wheatley. I read and researched all about her in elementary and became further inspired. At that age I did believe in reincarnation by way of human to human and somehow thought I was her all over again.

While in the 5th grade I participated in a Dr. Martin Luther King,Jr. District writing contest and won 1st Place. I'd always been fascinated with words and how artful they are. I had also been 1st runner in the District Spelling Bee during that timeframe, which was propelled by my natural desire to flip through dictionaires, and encyclopedias to find new words and new meanings.

As I became I teen I became more active in music and production, to which effect I constantly wrote and arranged songs. It was one of my greatest infusions to put my music and poetry together because I loved both so much.

By the time I'd reach adulthood I was convinced that writing would always be a part of my life. Now here we are in the new millenium and I can blog. This is amazing because I can write freely and anyone who wants to read can do so freely. I don't have to charge them or even limit myself to what I speak upon.

In 2005, I wrote a poem called, Love and War which is archived in a poetry anthology. For that same poem, I was nominated 2005 Poet of the Year through the International Poet Society Organizations.

I've always wanted my poems to be deep like Maya Angelou's, she is one of my poetic inspirations .

Well again poetry hasn't been my only or prime interest. I've written short novels that I self-published and had only shared with a select few.

So anyway, when I first decided to get back into writing articles on controversial topics, I decided to go with Capital Punishment. What a subject right? Well, I wanted to talk about real tough topics because I wanted to show I could do more than just make up stories and create fantasies. So what I would do was research various topics of my preference , type up an article with references and such. Then I'd send out an email blast which I called it back then Now it's called eBlast. I'd send it to all my contacts, business, family, friends, whoever was listed.

Well it wasn't smooth sailing... I would love to candycoat and make this out to be perfectly made, but I am a realist and so here's the real...

Many people enjoyed my  writings, they would reply to my emails with comments or just commending me on my dedication. I would send these writings out daily and the more controversial ones weekly. Some people wouldn't give any response, which sucks because I take no response as a negative response,even if it isn't so. Then I had people who would be offended or who would demand to be removed of my list and even would junk mail me,lol, yeah the nerve. Still in all I kept writing and people who did appreciate me would forward my writings and before I knew it I had people asking to be added to my email list.

One day I received an email from the most popular circulating magazine in Trenton and the entire Mercer County area, known then as CREAM Magazine. Currently they are under new management and known as The City Trenton N.E.W.S.  I was so elated and ready because I had been invited to join the team as a private contractor. I became one of their many Columnists and enjoyed networking with their organzation. What drew the then Publisher to my writings was my consistency and knowledge. He had read many of my writings and wondered where I came from.

Since writing for the magazine, I began writing musically again in which case you see I have written well over 30 songs and released many of them to the listening public.

Now I'm content with  progress and want to write because it's time for it now. When I write my music and find myself writing poems or stopping to write an article, that's when I allow myself to transfer to what is more interesting at the time.

So here you have it, welcome to my Column right here on and I do hope you read, share and most of all enjoy my writings.

I must be upfront, I am not here to please the masses. I write according to my professional, actual and at times projected experience.

As with all writings I ask that you seek the truth in what I present. If you read a topic and it relates to your life, please understand that everyone's life is different and our experiences are as well. So be sure that any decison you make for yourself is made by you and not on behalf of what you read here,, whether posted by myself or anyone else.

I encourage you to write or invite me to where you are.

God Bless,